I was missing our daily devotional. Missing that time to sit each evening and refocus on the most important thing. Missing that time to mute the tv, put away the phones, and back away from the computer screen.
I was missing it, but I realized I hadn’t been making it happen because was tired of feeling like I was nagging about it when I said during dinner ‘we really need to do our devotional tonight.’
Then all of a sudden, I realized it was my fault. I was making that precious and important time each night into something I had to schedule. Something I had to check off the to-do list before I jumped into editing photos or prepping blog posts. Something to rush through so I could hopefully cross the rest of the evening’s items off the list and still get to bed at a decent time.
So I stopped
nagging asking and jumped into the work right away. Jumped into blog posts. Jumped into making decorations for the upcoming party. Or jumped into a night off by asking which show he wanted to watch from the DVR list. As I busied myself, a part of me started to feel more empty. So I tried crossing more items off the list.
I got away from the “why” of the devotional. The purpose of putting Him as a priority over the to-do list. I realized that I was wanting to have those precious moments, but I wasn’t making sure my heart and mind were totally and 100% in the right place first. It’s incredibly humbling when you realize your attempts at being close to Him have really become the thing causing you to need Him even more.
Last night, we got back to the devotional. In the right way. With calm and open hearts, and minds focused on Him rather than how much time is left for the to-do list. We may not do a devotional every night, and that’s ok. I just want to make sure it happens more often than not, and that I’m doing it for the right reasons each night.